I have never been recognised as someone who is good with relationships. I neither hold this trait as a matter of pride, nor is it something that I am ashamed about. It is simply the effort going into their maintenance and sustenance a tad too much to muddle through sometimes. This may lead some of you to believe that I am an undernourished kid deprived of the conventional social quotient idiosyncrasies, but hey, everyone comes with a baggage of their own! Anyhow, when this malnourished side of mine chooses to rally alongside my notorious mood swings, I have found too many people give up on me in past. It is one of the reasons I do not tag anyone as a ‘close friend’ even today. Eventually, I decided to turn the tables, for I chose to walk away even before dusk prevailed. In a few cases, I refrained from even letting the sun set. Every action and reaction depended on my mood – and taken to closure right there and then. I had never a reason to believe that he would stick by either. Whoever said walking away was difficult?
Suggestions and advices are like two tricky motifs that come in abundance and at no surcharge. I may hear them all, but I may choose to listen to none. I like my space that way. True, this has proven unconditionally tricky at times while addling during others, for many. When I wanted to pave a way, it was challenging beyond reasoning to get someone – anyone – to be on the same page as mine. And when there was no favourable response, I moved on at my own pace. I had no reason to believe that he would not only let me make an informed decision, but also – and more importantly – stick with me as I stuck with them.
I may come across as someone with a calm exterior today. It takes a pride of an equal kind when it feels similar internally too. At this point, I would not want to let the opportunity pass by, by denying that it has taken a while for me to get here. However, with a persona so religiously unpredictable and a state of mind so emotionally volatile, I had no reason to believe that I would find someone who would be willing in all consciousness, to walk with me; least of all, imbibe in me the lesser-heard-of virtues such as patience and a why worry? mindset.
A guide who sheds light I wish to see irrespective of the situation. A self-made humorist who can get me to laugh in the crack of a second. An incredible motivator who talks in a tongue that appeals a cent percent (sometimes more). A ruling governor whose governance and government is me. An effective therapist who spots my areas of interest(s) before I do and nudges me toward. A confidante with whom I can discuss about porn and exes as easily as knocking the neighbour’s door for a bowl of sugar. A guy who would chill when I would smell him up close only to tell him that his perfume on that particular day reminded me of my grandfather. A listener who sometimes can figure me out by my silence. A friend with whom I can just be.
I am glad he is my happily ever after.
Had it not been for his finding, I may have long become the ash that he so religiously applies on his forehead.